Friday, July 6, 2018

Kale no!



I'm trying to get in my daily vegetables and now that I have to eat so much beef for health reasons, without just being constantly chewing (I know me, if I have to be eating so much I'll quit altogether, I've done it before and it only leads to further problems) so I turned to blended drinks. 

Bai 5 is pretty good, Naked Juice Green is the best so far, but I thought I'd try another one since it was $1 less, and I'm always trying to save a buck.

I won't say the name but it rhymes with Holthouse Harms and let me tell you something - I used to work in a restaurant that used kale as its completely inedible greenery around the hot food bar. By the end of the night the heat would have scorched what was already inedible into a dry burnt dirt mess. So naturally, hipsters and yuccies decided it is the perfect food, although I knew it to be foul before they were born.
But being cheap and needing the nutrients, after checking the ingredient list and noting the kale but seeing the other juices I tried it. 

If you were to combine the flat Arizona dust, the rich black soil of Alabama, and some lawn clippings from an overly fertilized Connecticut lawn, then pour tropical fruit juice over it and let it all meld together in the afternoon sun, the result would be this foul brew-do. And I'm no stranger to lawn clippings, I take kratom powder, ffs. I don't mind wheatgrass. This...

I can't get the taste out of my mouth but not for lack of trying.

Folks, those of us with sensitive or even barely functional palates are not meant to eat kale, and I don't care what nutrients it has or what fruity goodness you try to use to disguise the stench and automatic reaction to the taste of kale. That reaction is yark. I had just tasted the rich elixer of what may be the best gravy I've ever made, now this pollution of toxic waste has undone me. I try not to say something is purely awful, but I don't care what recipe you use to mask it, kale NO.