She was the best of us all

I love her. 
That's easy to say. And I can't even believe how hard it is to express what I know/think/feel about her. 

I don't do eulogies. 

Usually.

Not for my many relatives, friends, acquaintances, father, brother, a few husbands (pause for Cary's gigglesnortwhee)
but this one... yeah.

I'm a recipient. 

Of her excessive kindness, love, concern, commiseration, sacrifice, care.

Those things are not equal.

Nor were her physical lungs equal to her heart. She needed a lung transplant but wasn't even on the damn list yet, in spite of being a non-drinker/non-smoker but because of her weight. Big FUCK YOU to the ones who decide, on high, who is or is not qualified to receive life. This is body shaming fucking illustrated.

My late brother gave every bit he had that qualified to others.
Nothing of me qualifies, but I would give it now or after.

Cary was in my age range. And we used to laugh, as she talked me through an abusive marriage, a heart surgery, 2 brain surgeries, and fleeing with a dog & 2 cats cross country.

She was an active proponent of animal's rights; one of the first Panther Pals. 

Our last, 4 hour conversation, a few weeks ago, she laughed, that, "we'll be old wicked women terrorizing young orderlies in some tropical senior bitches' facility' laugh.

Some part of me knew it was our last. 
But she was and will always be, part of my heart.