Dear Canada, Happy Birthday!!
Ok, I've no idea what Canada Day is, its history, traditions, or protocols. Unlike most 'Muricans I *am* actually aware that there *are* other countries other than the ubiquitous "Them."
I'm simply holiday impaired. My holidays are notoriously on the scale of MondaySuckethⁿ so I've fairly well blocked most thing about all holidays. I'm fine with that.
I know the 4th of July is this week, and that it is American Independence Day, well done Will Smith.
Seriously, for the longest time I thought it celebrated the day when America moved out of England & into its own place, stopped getting an allowance, found its first job, and grabbed really crappy furniture and a booming sound system for parties. Ok, that may not be too far off the mark there.
Regardless, my ignorance of your... bar mitzvah? No? Well, your WHATEVER SPECIAL THING DAY, shouldn't say I don't care. I do. I'm holiday impaired.
Congratulations on your vasectomy??? Sigh....
Great booze though!!
Now, the about me stuff.
Many know I had open heart surgery (valve & double bypass) for my birthday (WHOOHOOO PARTY!! Although the birthday colonoscopy of '98 was also a blast. Literally. If you or someone you know has had one, you know what I mean) in 2014. Everything about the surgery and my recovery went swimmingly after the initial hell and if not for a friend the day after surgery I would have just let go but after that spiffy, I thought. Routine checkups showed my superhealing ability at its finest, then 2 weeks ago, I got a call from my cardiothoracic surgeon. The mechanic who installed the valve. He suddenly needed to see me 15 months ahead of schedule, and was going to drive an hour and a half to get to me, rather than having me come in.
Terror. Something is wrong with my valve. I can't go through yet another surgery right now, coming off of brain surgery and chemo and 2 rounds of cyberknife!!
I tried calling him, calling and emailing the manufacturer of my valve, got nowhere except:
"Our legal department requires we advise you to consult your doctor."
Truly not comforting at all. Wait the week in panic/terror/dread then the morning of the appointment - emergency surgery and he can't make it. Up to his elbows in someone's chest. Been there, gotcha, not quick procedures - mine was 17.5 hrs. So, reschedule for... this morning.
But. Brat started coughing gasping choking, so no way in hell I was leaving him. I called and to my amazement got to him.
"My baby needs me. Not going to make it and don't care, tell me whatever now so I can go do steamies and help him breathe, or send me a letter."
He clearly understood that you don't mess with a mama and sick furkid.
"There have been some recalls of heart valves-"
"I know. The point? What am I facing?"
"Nothing, we think. I wanted to reassure you that the modifications we made to your valve-"
"WHOA. What modifications and why am I just now hearing this???"
Turns out they had told me but I was heavily sedated and have no memory of it. They realized the off-the-line valve had some problems, so he "tinkered with it before putting it in," and thinks there will be no problem with the adapted model I have. If there was going to be it would have been in the first 36 hours, he believes.
"So you scared me to death and stressed me unbelievably for 2 weeks in order to reassure me??? Nice job. I feel warm and tingly."
CLICK
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