Glass Houses & Pie

I love love love love ~big pink heart~ love when people try to tell me how to live my life. It gives me the warm fuzzies all over that so many people care so deeply that they feel they must instruct me on everything from my sleeping schedule to my choice of coffee brands.
Not really.
I appreciate that you pay enough attention to my life to notice the choices I make, but as for telling me how to live? Not so much. If I ask for your advice or input, great, and remember I may not take it, but I have the information and what I do with it from there is on me.
But.

You can't...
Reality begs to differ
Hide and watch
Yet, I did
Oh? 1 of us must be dreaming or hallucinating again

You have to...
No I don't
There are only 2 things we have to do - be born and die, and everything else is an option

You need to...
Oh, suddenly it's about my needs
Or else what?
You have no idea what I need

Srsly, telling me not to do something is a doublecat dare ya, it's the green light, waving me in the the pits, it's saying YOU MUST DO THIS NOW. And telling me I won't do something? Please allow me a few moments to call my bookie and place a largish wager, post a status on facebook about doing it, sell tickets to the show, make a note in my diary, take out insurance on the event, and have a crew of journalists ready for live coverage.
All this in because in the past few hours I've had a slew (ok buttload. Better? Yeah, no, I like slew) of people telling me what to eat, drink, feel, do, think, be... yeah.
I don't care that you don't approve of my food choices. Today, I have eaten:
Shrimp for breakfast. It's what I wanted when I wanted it. Midmorning I had a few cheese and crackers (with a glass of wine! Yep, because I knew I wasn't driving and I wanted it. I don't care where the sun is, what time it is, any anachronistic misogynist system's opinion, or any imaginary standards or when it is okay to drink may be). Lunch? fruit bowl and steak. Midafternoon was baked potato. And dinner? A slice of homemade apple pie with vanilla gelato and a glass of milk. I may eat cereal in the middle of the night, too. And so what? I'm getting all the nutrition I need, in a tasty way, when I want, and in a form that is acceptable to me. And it doesn't have a damned thing to do with anybody else. It doesn't change who you are as a person, shake the foundations of the institution of marriage, affect the dow-jones, cause tidal waves, incite riots, lower the water level, or in any way whatsoever affect anybody but me, and that is my choice. If it does, that is your choice.

The glass house? People who live in glass houses shouldn't get stoned with nudists.

Booze Rules

I've posted this, in some format, on furbook, but this is an expanded version.
What qualifies me? A lifetime of experience. I have performed, without a net, for decades in the Professional Level, to the point where I am no longer qualified for the drunklympics.
Cuervo wants me to lend my name to ads, now that they have determined I am not wholesaling.
Since '89 the Bud distributer has sent me clothing saying my boobs & rep behind the name is good for business.
So here we go!

• Don't drink sugary booze. The sugars lend to hangovers, when metabolizing. If the only booze you can stand is sweet? Don't drink. Same with mixers, if they aren't pure juice. Don't like the taste? Don't drink.
• Hydrate. 1 bottle of water for every 4 oz. of alchohol. I once had a waitress at the now defunct (moment of silence) Fitzgerald's in Reno mention, "I notice you never seem drunk but you drink an assload (legitimate measurement term) of stingers (always a serious proposition for non-pros, and my fallback drink for cold weather), is it the water?" Yes. Yes it is.
• Food does not "sober you up." It allows a slower window for the booze to affect you. Same for coffee, except it also gives you greater awareness of the consequences of your drunkeness.
• No matter what, save 2, and exactly 2, of whatever you were drinking the night before. Choke them down immediately the next morning. Keep them down and you will be able to function the next day, pre 1st lunch beverages.
• Do not drink craft beers. Except Big Wave, Red Stripe, Old Peculiar if you must drink beer, stick with the basics, and no, cheaper has no bearing, it only means more for the money but usually passes through without time to have as much effect. Translation - if you piss it out before it buzzes you it does no good 
• Take 3 aspirin with water before passing out. This is not a myth. Hangovers are caused by dehydration which causes swelling of the brain and neurological system. Inflammation is caused by dehydration.
• If you misjudge your intake v capacity, and must yark, for fucks sake, make it interesting. Yarking off a balcony onto a parade during Mardi Gras thus inciting a riot - twice - is acceptable; ruining your cute date's Cole Hahn's are not.
• Wine is an entire other subject.

Let him eat steak!

I recently mentioned on facebook I was going to throw a couple of steaks on the grill - 1 for my dog and 1 for me. I immediately received a message admonishing me against this, and lecturing me on animal nutrition, etc.
My initial polite reaction was, "Fuck you, you don't feed me or my dog, or pay my bills." I didn't send that.
My secondary response was, "Thank you for your concern."
What I really want to say is this:
I know. Okay? I know a dog's nutrition isn't covered by a steak. I didn't also list the steamed veggies and potatoes that would also be part of his (and my) meal, because that doesn't make for a pithy fb status.
I also know my dog. You don't.
I adopted Geo (yes, he was named for a gravity bong but no, I didn't name him) when his alleged human father had to go to jail for a few months and it was bitter cold, but he had nowhere for Geo to go.
He has been my baby ever since.
Geo was chased with a vaccuum, slung against walls, starved for both food and love when I got him. He would eat any and every food, because that was what he lived - scrabbling to survive and I can empathize - eating anything to stay alive except dog food because he was never given it. Why spend money on dog food when that could buy beer? That was how he was raised until I found him.
I used to get up at 7 am and cook for Geo, real food - sometimes eggycheesygoodness, and once I even made beef wellington for him but that was a long story/rare situation/bar bet.
But Geo won't eat dog food. Except Blue Buffalo, and only that about twice a week. He will eat kitty food occasionally, which makes sense as he truly believes he is part cat. Brat and Rags do not discourage his puppycatness.
But Geo has never gotten past his cringing when even I reach to pet him if I reach overhand toward his head, running to hide under the bed or sofa when there is a loud noise, or refusing to eat dog food. I suspect something regarding dog food and abuse of which I am not aware happened in his pre-me past. Good thing, because I know where the son of a bitch who did all that to him is, and I don't want to go back to the joint.
But all this is in aid of saying, I'm about to take steaks off the grill for my dog and me, and screw you if you don't like it.
Did I mention I also put shrimp on there for my cats?