Hatching

Saturday is my birthday. The weird thing is, I had forgotten it. I was talking with my friend Joan, when she mentioned I wouldn't be in the hospital like I was for my birthday last year. I had been so focused on making the 1 year since my heart surgery, that I completely spaced it also being my birthday. Not suprising, since it was probably subconscious avoidance of the whole issue. I'm not one of those people who trips out on number of years. Ask me how old I am. Go ahead. Answer: Beats me. Don't make me do math.
I'm old enough to vote even though not allowed, drink, be president (Can felons be President? If so, watch out, Kanye!), too old to give birth, not yet retired. Somewhere in there.
I remember asking my mother how old she and my dad were, when I was maybe 5 or 6, and she paused, then answered, "Well I was born in '37 and he was born in '32..." and stopped to do math. I thought she was kidding. Everyone knows how old they are, I foolishly thought. Then about 15 years ago I was filling out a form somewhere, and it asked age. I had to do math. I stopped and thought, Whoa, it really does happen!
But blocking out birthdays isn't a bad idea for me, usually. This year will be the first in I don't know how many years that I haven't been incarcerated, in hospital, or homeless. Yes, I've been homeless. No, this isn't about that.
My last good birthday, I was 3. There were no fights nor arguements, the whole family was there, and I was happy. I had a white 3 layer cake with pale pink roses, from a local bakery but really nothing unusual and it remains, in my mind, the ultimate birthday cake. I haven't had one like that since, despite repeatedly requesting it from various people over the years (and it isn't the same if I buy one or make one for myself. I can't explain why not, it just...isn't).
But last year? I got my life back. And I was literally 2-3 hours from dying before my surgery. Helluva gift.
This year, I'm going to eat cake, even though I'll make one for myself, probably something involving chocolate, and it will be the best damned birthday ever.