Little victories and no delivery

I have been going through what is so eloquently referred to as, "A bit of a rough patch," by a dear friend in England.
No shit.
Serious ongoing heart/circulatory health issues, staggeringly bad luck, rotton timing, natural disasters, and compounded by my less than graceful normal self have led circumstances to find me currently sporting 5 sutures in the top of my head, and an inability to stand or bend without passing out of at least becoming woozy. No, I was not Hitler, Pol Pot, Judas Iscariot, or any other infamous bastards in a prior life - that I know of - but life is kicking my ass. And biting it. Yep, 2 spider bites on my left cheek. Nope, not on my face. Looks to be venomous, with some truly wonky neurological side effects, and is being treated.
But I wanted to take a bath. I ~BIG PINK FLUFFY HEART LESS THAN 3 ~ my baths. I require soaking in a deliciously bubble-filled tub, uninterrupted by man nor beast. That hasn't worked so well, as of late, but this morning I declared a State of Bath Emergency and filled that sucker right on up with my favorite feel-smell-good bubbly stuff. At 5 am. Because knowing my recent propensity for hygiene-related incidents, I was also thinking there are 20 farmers less than a few miles away, still home plucking the goats & milking the chickens before dawn, should some sort of mushroom cloud rise from my bathtub and they might get the cats and dog out before any violent bubble damage could occur.
I got in, enjoyed a brief soak and wash, started to get out, and froze. What if I fall and bamage the rest of my drains? I was in mid-crouch, clinging to both safety rails like a lobbyist to a politician for 7 freaking minutes. I was completely convinced that if I moved at all, the whole falldownboomsplat thing would happen yet again, but terrified to move for fear of being trapped in my own bathtub and no restaurant that delivers nearby. As my muscles screamed over the voices in my head and the complaints of 3 furry guys who hadn't had 1st breakfast, another noise began intruding over the cacaphony.... beep... beep... Beep... BEEP.... My phone battery was critically low.
Yeah, I'm not being trapped in a bathtub with no food and no phone.
I took a deep breath and s l o w l y crawled out, yes, crawled over the side of the tub, and managed to get myself upright and dressed. And charged.
And I did it without ending up nekkid head-first in a snowbank next to a funeral on YouTube this time!! But that's a story for another day.